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Commentary:
"Life is full of ups and downs… and sometimes you're just a piece of furniture 🪑 or a poor little toe! Here's to hoping for more table days than toe days! 🤣 #LifeStruggles"

days, downs, humor, life, perspective, table, toe, ups, ups and downs

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

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2 months ago

blank, brag, confusion, directions, humor, i, me, meditation, mind, navigation, need, second, someone
Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

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2 months ago

again, buy, clothing, fashion, favorite, humor, i, industry, irony, item, me, repetition, same, shopping
I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

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2 months ago

contact, dog, emergency, emergency contact, humor, i, loneliness, me, neighbor, neighbors, put, relationship, single
First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

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2 months ago

close, date, first date, funny idea, humor, i, idea, lean, playful, surprise, wet, wet willy, willy
If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

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2 months ago

communication, humor, ignore, let, me, reiterate, repetition, sarcasm, second, sentence, start, time, too
“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

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1 month ago

20, finding, human, humor, jeans, luck, money, old, surprise, version

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

35 shares on Threads this month:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

30 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my daughter 3 months ago, where would you be hiding?

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

69 shares on X this month:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

What electric cars and diarrhea have in common is the fear of not making it home.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Had a king sized bed all to myself last night. Must be what Rose felt like on that door.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

(lost in the labyrinth and I’m wearing a Fitbit) Nice, got my 10,000 steps.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Freshly posted on Slack:

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

Shared recently on Slack:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Spotted on Instagram:

How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

Live now on YouTube:

When the job market is so bad that you’re going to follow your dreams instead.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Live now on YouTube:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

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Activity Log ✨

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨