Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.
  • I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?
  • Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  • I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.
  • Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.