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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has copied:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

Someone from has copied:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Someone from has copied:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Someone from has bookmarked:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from has shared:

My favorite part of football is when they feed the players water like they’re hamsters.

Someone from has viewed:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

Someone from has downloaded:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from has copied:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1749 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,911

Funny Quotes Topics

14,729

Funny Quotes Images

11,911

Updated

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Freshly posted on Discord:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Just shared via Slack:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

Making waves on YouTube:

Missed garbage day today, if you’re looking for a bad boy that doesn’t play by the rules.

Live now on Messenger:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Trending via Messenger:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

6 months ago

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Commentary:
"Taking therapy to a whole new level: from patient to therapist hunter! 🦸‍♂️💥 Final boss defeat achieved – My life may be a trainwreck, but at least I'm the conductor! 🚂😂"

boss, defeat, final, health, humor, i, jokes, life, mental, mental health, same, self-improvement, therapist, therapy, thing, trainwreck

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from has downloaded:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Someone from has downloaded:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Someone from has viewed:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from has shared:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from has copied:

Life is strange. We come into the world with nothing, then we struggle for everything, and finally, we leave with nothing.

Someone from has viewed:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Someone from has shared:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from has bookmarked:

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

Someone from has bookmarked:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Someone from has copied:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

Spotted on Telegram:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Breaking via Messenger:

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we eat.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Jeez. It’s like the people in this nursing home have never heard techno before.

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me. I’ll train you.

When I put on weight, it’s around my stomach. When I lose weight, it’s around my legs. I’m not a structural engineer, but that can’t be good.

Activity Log ✨

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

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