69 funny boss quotes - Wordgag

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

May 30, 2026

The only way to deal with a micromanaging boss is microreporting.

May 29, 2026

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I did for a living.

May 29, 2026

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

May 29, 2026

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

May 29, 2026

Telling my boss I can’t come back to work because I’ve discovered the joy of doing nothing.

May 29, 2026

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

May 29, 2026

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

May 29, 2026

Sorry, boss, I can’t come into work today. I’m trying to capture the childlike joy of December.

May 29, 2026

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

May 28, 2026

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

May 28, 2026

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

May 28, 2026

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

May 28, 2026

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

May 28, 2026

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

May 28, 2026

Self-discipline is tough because I’m the boss of me, and that guy runs a real loose ship.

May 28, 2026

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

May 27, 2026

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

May 27, 2026

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

May 27, 2026

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

May 27, 2026

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

May 27, 2026

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

May 27, 2026

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

May 27, 2026

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

May 27, 2026

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

May 27, 2026

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

May 27, 2026

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

May 27, 2026

Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

May 26, 2026

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

May 26, 2026

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

May 26, 2026

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

May 26, 2026

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

May 26, 2026

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

May 25, 2026

Gonna waterboard my houseplants so they know who’s the boss.

May 25, 2026

Good morning, may your coffee be strong and your boss not weird today.

May 25, 2026

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

May 25, 2026

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

May 25, 2026

How dare my boss set up a meeting for the time I sneak off early?

May 24, 2026

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

May 24, 2026

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

May 23, 2026