Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

97 shares on Facebook this month:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

86 shares on Threads this month:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

79 shares on Threads this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

23 shares on Discord this month:

Welcome to middle age. You now take pictures of instructions so you can enlarge them.