105 funny baby quotes - Wordgag

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

May 30, 2026

Cafeteria is a beautiful name for a baby girl.

May 30, 2026

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

May 30, 2026

Being a baby in a stroller under the plastic cover when it’s raining must be a major vibe.

May 29, 2026

Maybe your baby is crying because it wants a cigarette.

May 29, 2026

Telling her parents you creampie her daily is socially unacceptable. But telling them you’re trying for a baby is a cause for celebration.

May 29, 2026

Why do babies cry when they are tired? Like, just go to sleep, bro, no one is stopping you.

May 29, 2026

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

May 29, 2026

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

May 29, 2026

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

May 29, 2026

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

May 29, 2026

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

May 29, 2026

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

May 29, 2026

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

May 28, 2026

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

May 28, 2026

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

May 28, 2026

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

May 28, 2026

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

May 28, 2026

Maybe your baby is crying because he knows you don’t have rizz.

May 28, 2026

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

May 27, 2026

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

May 27, 2026

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

May 27, 2026

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

May 27, 2026

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

May 27, 2026

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

May 27, 2026

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

May 27, 2026

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

May 27, 2026

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

May 26, 2026

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

May 26, 2026

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

May 26, 2026

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

May 26, 2026

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

May 26, 2026

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

May 26, 2026

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

May 26, 2026

Babies invented being in a bad mood for no reason, and they continue to innovate in the field.

May 26, 2026

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

May 25, 2026

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

May 25, 2026

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

May 25, 2026

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

May 25, 2026

Ever thought about centaurs and how the bottom half would start walking immediately after birth but the top part would be baby-like and flop around for a while.

May 25, 2026