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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Everyone’s gangsta until grandma grabs that wooden spoon.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,361

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Trending via Threads:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Just shared via X:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Trending via Instagram:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Spotted on Slack:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Just shared via Messenger:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

2 months ago

0

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dear diary, sure hope you're not feeling neglected from all my talk! 📖 Maybe you enjoy some quality 'me time' when I'm not around. 🤔 Don't worry, I promise to spare you the drama… unless we're writing a bestseller together! 🖊️😅"

conversation, diary, ever, hobby, humor, introspection, monologue, myself, self-centered, sorry, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

0

2 months ago

bro, dark, dark humor, exhaustion, existing, humor, i, relatable, stop, tired, want
My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily wear, everyday, expensive, fashion, glasses, humor, i, irony, most, self-deprecation, thing, toxic, toxic trait, trait, wear
Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

0

2 months ago

chaos, circus, current, entertainment, fine, fire, humor, monkey, politics, satire, state
All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

0

2 months ago

craving, food, humor, layers, love, music, nachos, saying, snack, song, songs, too
I think when girls start liking pink again, it means they’re healing.

0

2 months ago

again, color, color preference, emotional, emotional healing, girl, girls, healing, i, liking, means, pink, preference, start, think
Every time a bird poops on my car, I eat a plate of wings on the front porch to show them what I’m capable of.

0

2 months ago

animal, animal behavior, behavior, bird, capable, car, eat, eating, every, front, humor, i, plate, poop, poops, porch, revenge, show, time, wing, wings

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Slack this month:

I used to think that the older you get, the wiser and more self-confident you become. I now know that you just get tired more quickly.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

75 shares on Messenger this month:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

21 shares on Twitch this month:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s strange being the same age as old people.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Go outside and let the rain do what your boyfriend can’t.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Scrolling the feed as a mature person, not judging anybody.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The empty side of your bed is for books and chocolate, not for liars who snore.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a mom who cooks good food is such a big flex.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Tinder, but for nearby people that have a printer you can use.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

A weighted blanket isn’t enough today, I need to be compressed into a zip-file.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I feel so bad when I overtake an old person on the sidewalk. Like, man, I really didn’t mean to flex on you with my youthful stride.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I love you in a way that would worry a therapist and thrill a poet.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Just landed via TikTok:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Spotted on Snapchat:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Live now on Instagram:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

Live now on YouTube:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Breaking via Telegram:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

Breaking via Snapchat:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It is not without reason that all telescopes searching for intelligent life are pointed away from Earth.

Going bananas on Discord:

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

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