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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,258

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Spotted on Discord:

I wonder if that football guy will be at the Taylor Swift game again today.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A Bug’s Life” (1998) radicalized me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Spreading quickly via X:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Seen just now on Messenger:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Trending via Messenger:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

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Eleven out of ten people are stupid.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like someone forgot to carry the one 🤪 Maybe they just need some extra fingers to count correctly! 🖐️🤓 Don't worry, we'll save a spot for the 'math-challenged' in our exclusive club of geniuses. 😉🧠"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Reddit this month:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

48 shares on Slack this month:

Prior to the arrival of Paper and Scissors, Rock faced no competition.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

38 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

62 shares on TikTok this month:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“Santa isn’t real!” Okay, I literally just saw him at the mall.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Microsoft: Before you sign in, we need to send you a code. Also, Microsoft: OMG, was that you that requested a code? Also, Microsoft: OMG, someone just signed in to your account.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Huh” is 94% of my vocabulary.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,599

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Seen just now on X:

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

Freshly posted on Discord:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Making waves on Reddit:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Live now on Slack:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Shared recently on Discord:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Spotted on X:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Going viral on Messenger:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

Just landed via Messenger:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

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