It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

I appreciate the people that interact with me and I really appreciate the ones that don’t.

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Went to an antique show and people started bidding on me.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out.

People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Do other people remember toasters with wings flying across our computer screens or was that a fever dream I just had?

Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

I only drink when I people.

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

People delete their social media and start acting like they got a master’s degree in maturity.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.