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27 Funny answer quotes

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5 months ago
Share →: Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Commentary:
"Seems like even your own self is ghosting you now! 📵😂 Maybe it's time for some self-reflection on your caller ID skills. #VoicemailVoices"
5 months ago
Share →: Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Commentary:
Sure thing! How about this: "If you think I'm bad at texting now, just wait until I'm ghosting you on the Ouija Board! 👻📱 #TextsFromTheAfterlife"
5 months ago
Share →: “Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like "charming honesty" has its limits when it comes to job interviews! 🍸💃 Guess it's time to swap those weaknesses for something a bit more work-appropriate, like saying you're "too detail-oriented" or "overly passionate about excel spreadsheets." Remember, save the fun stuff for the office holiday party! 😉
5 months ago
Share →: One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Commentary:
"WeightWatchers website be like: 'Do you accept cookies?' 🍪 Well played, WeightWatchers, well played! Like, obviously I accept cookies – the real question is how many can I have without breaking my diet? 😂 #SneakyButSmart"
5 months ago
Share →: Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Commentary:
"Seems like the concept of 'wine budget' was lost in translation for this person 🍷⏳ Next time, maybe they’ll stick to the 'price tag' rather than 'time spent' approach 😄⏳ #TimeIsNotMoney"
5 months ago
Share →: I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' days of answering the phone blindly 📞😱 It was a wild time of thrilling unknowns! Ring, ring – cue the daredevil 'hello' 😆 Who needs caller ID when you've got nerves of steel? 🦸‍♂️💥 #BraveAnsweringSkills"
5 months ago
Share →: “No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Commentary:
"Oh, the classic 'no idea' defense strategy – a stellar way to avoid small talk and awkward social interactions without coming off as completely clueless! 😏🤷‍♂️ Who knew being vague could be such a power move?💡"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Commentary:
Oh, so you're an expert on relationships now, huh? Well, why aren't you a millionaire, Mr./Ms. Relationship Guru? 💁‍♂️💰 Might need to update your resume to include "Love Doctor AND Financial Wizard"! 😉 #SavageResponses #SingleLifeBenefits
5 months ago
Share →: When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Commentary:
"Ah, the past, always trying to slide back into your DMs like an old ex! 📞🚫 Don't give in – that book has been read cover to cover, dear past! 📖😄 Let's stay focused on the NOW and the NEXT chapter! 🚀🔮 #MovingForward"
5 months ago
Share →: If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

Commentary:
"Next time someone asks why you're single, just hit 'em with the classic response: 'Got lucky. 🍀💔' Who needs a relationship drama when you've got all the free time and sleep to yourself, am I right? 😄 #LivingMyBestSingleLife"