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10,000+ funny quotes

198 Funny going quotes

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

3 months ago

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

3 months ago

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

3 months ago

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

3 months ago

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

3 months ago

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

3 months ago

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

3 months ago

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

3 months ago

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

3 months ago

I have almost 100,000 miles on my office chair. So I got that going for me.

3 months ago

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

3 months ago

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

3 months ago

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

3 months ago

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

3 months ago

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

3 months ago

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

3 months ago

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

3 months ago

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

3 months ago

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

3 months ago

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

3 months ago