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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Unlike the brain, the stomach alerts you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Tested positive for needing a kiss.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,247

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

Spotted on WeChat:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Seen just now on Slack:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

Breaking via Threads:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If I were God, I’d tell everyone that I created the animals and that I don’t know what happened after that.

Just shared via Telegram:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Just because your parents planned you doesn’t mean you weren’t a mistake.

Breaking via Reddit:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

0
How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Joining a cult, huh? Just remember, if the recruiter starts offering you Kool-Aid, maybe consider running in the other direction 🏃‍♂️💨. But hey, at least you'll never have to worry about making decisions again… #cultlife 🤪🔮"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on X this month:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

29 shares on Reddit this month:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Putting mental health before my education is a good idea until it affects my education, which affects my mental health, which affects my education.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Freshly posted on Threads:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Going bananas on Telegram:

In a previous life I may have been a carrier pigeon, in that all I ever think about is going home.

Seen just now on X:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Nothing gets my heart pumping like receiving an annoying newsletter.

Live now on YouTube:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Making waves on Threads:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Trending via X:

Jurassic Park came out decades ago, and now I feel like a fossil.

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