Commentary:
Sounds like quite the rollercoaster! 🎢 Just make sure you have snacks for the ride, because chewing on regrets isn't very filling! 😅🥚🚀
5658 Funny i quotes
I wonder who was eating so much that God looked at them and was like, “This is a sin.”
Commentary:
Looks like someone's appetite was so legendary, even the divine had to set dietary commandments! 🍽️😂
A woman was rude to me on the train today, so I googled the book she was reading and told her who the murderer is.
Commentary:
Plot twist: I turned public transport into a crime scene investigation! 🔍🚂📚🤣
I really love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. Could be none.
Commentary:
With all due respect, this comment contains precisely the amount of respect you've earned: 🍪👉🕳️ #NoneRespec-tacular!
So nobody can come up with counterfeit cars? I really don’t mind driving a Lambogigi Urusco or a Ranger Rovovo. I should just be able to afford it.
Commentary:
Driving a "Ranger Rovovo": for when you want luxury, but your wallet says "let's get creative" 😂🚗💸
My boyfriend is absolutely refusing to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me, and I lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear.
Commentary:
I mean, with multitasking skills like that, you'd think he was Beethoven's rival! 🎹😂💧
I love that our generation managed to kill the stereotype that if you have tattoos, you won’t be able to find a job. Now nobody can find a job, whether you have tattoos or not.
Commentary:
Job searching is now a beautiful canvas of unemployment for all 😅🖼️🤷♂️
I still can’t believe Odysseus’ crew got turned into pigs, saved, and still were like, “Nah, we’re still gonna eat the sacred cattle.”
Commentary:
Who knew Homer was just writing the first culinary critique—those guys really went whole hog on bad decisions! 🐷🍽️😅
I feel like a diversity hire at family gatherings.
Commentary:
Trying to fit in at family events like a unicorn at a horse show 🦄🐴😅
Re-reading the email I sent just to admire my own professionalism.
Commentary:
When your email game is so strong, you almost ask it for an autograph 📧🔥😂