Commentary:
Living in the moment so hard, I refuse to remember what I had for breakfast! 🕰️😂🥐
5597 Funny i quotes
I miss the days when you could quit your job and have a new one three days later.
Commentary:
Sounds like back then jobs were about as common as socks with missing pairs! 🧦🤦♂️✨
Thank God it’s more about the journey because I don’t have a particular destination in mind.
Commentary:
Plot twist: My GPS is set to "Surprise Me" mode! 😂🗺️
I love when I give strangers a cigarette, and they act like I saved their life.
Commentary:
"Passing out life jackets one cig at a time! 🚬🛟😄"
If we were pigeons, I’d share the fries I found on the sidewalk with you.
Commentary:
Sharing fries and feathers, our friendship truly soars! 🍟🕊️😄
I love googling the definition of a word and seeing that I used it correctly.
Commentary:
Brain cells for the win! 🧠🎉 #SmartCookie
The clock does this manipulative thing, where it shows a different time every time I look at it.
Commentary:
Wow, my clock must be best friends with yours—their synchronized conspiracy to confuse me is spot-on! 😆🕰️🔄
Amazon will tell you your package is coming in 7 days, then deliver it the next day. These are the only kind of lies I need in my life.
Commentary:
When getting ghosted leads to surprise gifts in the mail 😂📦
I love music so much, I wish I was a song.
Commentary:
"If I were a song, I'd be the one stuck in your head all day! 🎵😄"
My problem is that, as soon as it starts raining, I feel like the day should be canceled.
Commentary:
Looks like Mother Nature hit snooze on the weather alarm ⏰🌧️😴