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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I can always tell what part of my cycle I’m in by how concerned my friends are over my Tweets.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Jan 11, 2026

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Snapchat:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Making waves on Instagram:

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

Seen just now on Telegram:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Broadcasted on Threads:

If they played poker with potato chips, I’d have a gambling problem.

Trending via Instagram:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Spotted on Pinterest:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Shared recently on Twitch:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Just landed via Facebook:

Unless you fell off the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

2 months ago

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"🍇💉 The million-dollar question: can Botox work its magic on a raisin and transform it back into a grape? 🧐🤔 Sure, why not? Maybe we'll witness the birth of the ultimate rejuvenated fruit – the Raisinberry! 🍇🤣 #Grapenado"

absurdity, back, beauty, Botox, grape, humor, joke, raisin, transformation, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

2 months ago

asleep, fall, freak, humor, i, me, mean, people, quick, relax, sleep, thoughts
Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

2 months ago

cardio, cube, exercise, floor, got, ice, ice cube, just, kitchen, minutes, pick, trying, workout
God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

2 months ago

dating, God, humor, love, patience, relationship, soulmate, tracking, wish
Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

2 months ago

choice, communication, humor, language, phrase, saying, sophisticated, sophistication, synonym, vocabulary, word, word choice
Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

2 months ago

activity, couch, day, good, humor, leisure, making, most, relaxation, spent, still, sure, work, works
“I’m gonna decide everyone’s pronouns and sexuality tonight. And, yes, there will be some big surprises.”

5 months ago

big, decide, decision, humor, identity, pronoun, pronouns, sexuality, surprise, surprises, tonight, yes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your 40s: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, throwing the remote against the wall didn’t help recharging the batteries.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Even wild things have slow mornings.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

297 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,566

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,566

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

“You look tired”. No, I’m just ugly.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I was abducted by aliens. They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. Turns out I was on the mothership.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

Shared recently on X:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Shared recently on Reddit:

Life would be so much simpler if you could just smack the stupid out of people instead having to reason with them.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Just shared via WeChat:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Making waves on Facebook:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m kind of excited about the apocalypse. I would love to eat a basement full of food.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Dating is the process of meeting someone until you find out what’s wrong with them.

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