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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

If you ever need nothing, I’m here for you.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

Please try to schedule meetings around my need for attention.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Don’t forget to look directly into the sun for at least 10 minutes per day because that’s where all the vitamins are.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Making waves on Slack:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Going viral on TikTok:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My soul leaving my body when the lecturer says “let’s hear from someone who hasn’t spoken yet”

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

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If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.
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Commentary:
Ah, trying to put clothes on a toddler is the real-life exorcism we weren't prepared for! It's a battle of wills filled with flailing arms, wails of protest, and a force field of pure stubbornness! 👹👚✨ #ToddlerExorcism #ParentingLife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

29 shares on Instagram this month:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

17 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

72 shares on Threads this month:

Meatloaf is a good safe word. It means I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that…

62 shares on Discord this month:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

40 shares on X this month:

I did not spend years turning the faucet off while I brushed my teeth, so corporations could ruin the environment with festering AI slop.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a good thing that happens.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Planking is the only time we appreciate time.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Every house is a dream house when you can’t afford one.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,388

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Live now on Twitch:

The toughest part of being a vegan is keeping it to yourself.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Making waves on Discord:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

Trending via Slack:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Spotted on TikTok:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

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