I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book.

34 shares on Discord this month:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

They’re making me get out of bed.

72 shares on Threads this month:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.