71 funny words quotes - Wordgag

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

May 30, 2026

I like that linguists chose the term ‘loan words,’ implying that one day we’ll get them back.

May 29, 2026

(to my executioner) I wish we had met before this. You seem cool.

May 29, 2026

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

May 29, 2026

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

May 28, 2026

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

May 28, 2026

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

May 28, 2026

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

May 28, 2026

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

May 28, 2026

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

May 27, 2026

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

May 27, 2026

As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

May 27, 2026

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

May 27, 2026

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

May 27, 2026

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

May 27, 2026

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

May 27, 2026

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

May 26, 2026

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

May 26, 2026

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

May 26, 2026

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

May 26, 2026

The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning “ability to,” and bics, meaning “withstand tremedous boredom.”

May 25, 2026

Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

May 25, 2026

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

May 25, 2026

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

May 25, 2026

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

May 25, 2026

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

May 25, 2026

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

May 25, 2026

Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya, bud?

May 24, 2026

Sorry for what I said when I was drunk. I meant every word.

May 24, 2026

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

May 24, 2026

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

May 24, 2026

Hawk o the mornin tuah

May 24, 2026

Whoever came up with the name wallpaper really nailed it.

May 24, 2026

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

May 24, 2026

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

May 24, 2026

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

May 24, 2026

Daylight savings is not enough. You need to be daylight investing.

May 23, 2026

I am thick and tired.

May 23, 2026

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

May 23, 2026

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

May 23, 2026