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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6225 this month

15,818 funny quotes and pics

17,813 funny quotes topics

Updated: May 23, 2026

 

 

 

 

228 Funny wit quotes

Funny wit quotes celebrate the sharp, clever humor that hits you right between the eyes — and makes you laugh while you’re at it! 😏💡 From quick comebacks to brainy banter, these quotes are proof that a witty mind is the ultimate comedy weapon. Get ready for some smart laughs with serious style! 😂🧠🎯

Whoever named the meatball absolutely nailed it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

You can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I am a fool everyday, I don’t need a holiday for it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Smart people are like huskies. If you don’t give them an interesting problem, they become an interesting problem.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

My superpower? Staying calm when talking to idiots.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Stupidity begins where irony is no longer understood.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I am so incredibly tired today. I think my shelf life has expired.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I put the hot in psychotic.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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