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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Computers used to scream out in pain when we connected to the internet. This was a warning and we did not heed it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Gordon Ramsay is only funny because he’s not talking to me like that.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’m like 2% cute and 98% ugly.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,333

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Freshly posted on X:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I’m still repaying karmic debt from that time I was 12 and gave the middle finger to a cow at the state fair.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Breaking via Discord:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Just landed via Slack:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

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It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.
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Commentary:
"It's a bizarre world we live in where noses run while feet emit fragrant aromas – a true case of life's sense of humor! 🤭👃🏃‍♂️🦶💨"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

97 shares on Threads this month:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked, I’m 4 people.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I learned anything in college, it’s that pepper spray only stings for a couple hours.

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Shopping is the only exercise I need.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Doing taxes for an ant who inherited a teaspoon of sugar.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

What many call beauty can just be wiped off 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Reddit:

Mister Sandman, bring me a meme. Make it the dumbest shit that I’ve ever seen.

Spotted on Twitch:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Just shared via Facebook:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Going viral on Instagram:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Shared recently on WeChat:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Making waves on Reddit:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

Trending via WeChat:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Live now on Facebook:

Not using emoji while texting is my way to show that I’m serious.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

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