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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Sorry for texting you back instantly. My phone was in my hand, and I’m mature and actually like you.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

This meeting could have been a painting in a museum of boredom.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

353 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,622

Funny Quotes Topics

17,673

Funny Quotes Images

15,622

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,617

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Making waves on Reddit:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Spotted on Twitch:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Going viral on Instagram:

I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Shared recently on Threads:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Going viral on Threads:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Seen just now on Pinterest:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Men are very good at being women lately.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When makeup tutorials start looking like magic tricks, you know men have leveled up! 💄✨🤣"

being, gender, good, humor, men, stereotype, woman, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

2 months ago

beer, humor, job, jobs, leisure, people, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, weed
Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, early, found, i, just, matter, morning, motivation, procrastination, sleep, work
Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

2 months ago

client, courtroom, defense, honor, humor, jail, legal, statement
My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

2 months ago

faster, humor, instinct, mouth, moves, sarcasm, self-deprecating, survival, survival instinct
One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

2 months ago

act, drunk, even, fool, humor, i, me, need, personality, spontaneity, thing
Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

2 months ago

fears, hours, humor, just, me, rule, sleep, tears, uninterrupted, want, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Facebook this month:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

47 shares on Discord this month:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

If pigeons could talk, they would bum a cigarette.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

97 shares on Messenger this month:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

44 shares on Slack this month:

Unlike men, women would immediately admit their mistakes if they had any.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I’m brave but not “order something different from the restaurant menu” kind of brave.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

It actually is crazy how many people I know would benefit from being visited by three ghosts.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

On average, my daily actions demonstrate I’m probably good at something else.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I only drink when I people.

Seen just now on X:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Going viral on X:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Freshly posted on Threads:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Spotted on Discord:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sure, you can invite more people to the plans we made 2 months ago. The more, the merrier. Also, I’m not going now.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Name something cuter than a baby in a bucket hat on the beach.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Because it is Friday, I will allow one beautiful woman to invite me for drinks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Men are very good at being women lately.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

My mouth moves faster than my survival instincts.

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨