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Life hack: you donโ€™t need salt if you just cry into your dinner.

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Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

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Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

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I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.

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Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesnโ€™t even get to be in one.

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You didnโ€™t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or Iโ€™m gonna be pissed.

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A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

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Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

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Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

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Iโ€™m going to die from jealousy one day.

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Men make it so easy to hate them.

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Commentary:
"Men: masters of making life interesting… and also kind of frustrating at times ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜‚ #LoveHateRelationship"



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