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Commentary:
"My dogs don't feel earthquakes because they're too busy creating their own seismic activities with their non-stop gas emissions! 🐶💨🌍 #EarthquakeProofPups"

dogs, earthquakes, feel, gas, humor, pets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

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2 months ago

alcohol, away, coping, drinking, escape, fun, humor, moving, problems, relaxation, run, want
“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

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5 months ago

humor, just, person, personality, sleepiness, sleepy, times, timing, tired, wrong
It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

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2 months ago

fangs, floss, hard, humor, hygiene, irony, mirror, reflection, vampire
All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

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2 months ago

cooking, enough, food, gazpacho, humor, joke, lazy, soup
Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

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2 months ago

chores, domestic, domestic life, fold, folding, getting, humor, irony, laundry, life, prize, sucks, washing
I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

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2 months ago

dark, dark humor, eaten, ending, expectation, fairy tale, fairytale, fantasy, humor, i, irony, plan, still, thinking, wishful, wishful thinking, wolf

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Reddit this month:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

42 shares on X this month:

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

100 shares on Slack this month:

Just saw two identical twins out in public together. No disrespect to that lifestyle but please keep it private.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

23 shares on Discord this month:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I don’t really care how you met your partner. Tell me about how you met your nemesis.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Feminism convinced women they could have it all. Now they’re 40, independent, and crying in a very nice but empty apartment.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

If I was on Love Island, I wouldn’t be fighting anyone or starting drama. I would just be playing mermaids in the pool the whole time. They’ve got that giant, beautiful pool, and nobody’s using it.

Going viral on Messenger:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Live now on TikTok:

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Live now on Messenger:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Just landed via WeChat:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Shared recently on TikTok:

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Trending via WhatsApp:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Just shared via TikTok:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨