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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Have you noticed? When the relationship is new, the guy is never busy.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,454

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Making waves on WeChat:

Did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?

Making waves on Discord:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Going bananas on X:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Just landed via Messenger:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Breaking via Pinterest:

One of the kids said, “Camping looks fun,” so tonight we’re watching The Revenant.

Live now on Messenger:

Somebody should tell James Cameron the world doesn’t need any more frigging Avatar movies.

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like your mama unintentionally planted the seeds of irony in your garden of ambition! 🌱🔥 Sometimes striving for perfection can feel like sprinting in quicksand, right? 🏃‍♂️💨 But hey, settling for mediocrity is just another fancy term for "making peace with imperfection"! 😉👌 Don't worry, your mama's still proud – she just has a unique way of showing it! 🙌

burnout, expectations, humor, mama, mediocrity, perfectionist, quitter, raise, raised, self-criticism, sometimes, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on Reddit this month:

The adult in the room just addressed the elephant in the room.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Wrapping gifts on the floor after 50: 1% holiday spirit, 99% figuring out how to stand up without calling for help.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

92 shares on Discord this month:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

43 shares on Slack this month:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

65 shares on Telegram this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

76 shares on Threads this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, this “microsleep” can sometimes last hours.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget hot girl summer, it’s rot girl summer (laying in bed, reading books, laying under layers of soft blankets).

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,736

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I’m not here to make friends, just noise.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Tupperware is a fun way to store your leftovers until you throw them away.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Going viral on Instagram:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Trending via Facebook:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Shared recently on X:

Saying “essentially” is a more sophisticated way of saying “basically.

Just shared via WeChat:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Spotted on TikTok:

People say, “Listen to your heart, do the right thing,” like they are the same things.

Live now on Telegram:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

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