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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Gonna take the kids to the planetarium so they can watch YouTube on their phones.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s weird that Usher doesn’t have any songs about showing people to their seats.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The man who invented autocorrect walks into a barn. He orders a bear.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

41 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Breaking via Reddit:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

Just shared via Snapchat:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Trending via Discord:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Just shared via X:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Reported on X:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

6 months ago

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

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Commentary:
Well, it seems like your mama unintentionally planted the seeds of irony in your garden of ambition! 🌱🔥 Sometimes striving for perfection can feel like sprinting in quicksand, right? 🏃‍♂️💨 But hey, settling for mediocrity is just another fancy term for "making peace with imperfection"! 😉👌 Don't worry, your mama's still proud – she just has a unique way of showing it! 🙌

burnout, expectations, humor, mama, mediocrity, perfectionist, quitter, raise, raised, self-criticism, sometimes, struggle

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

764 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,926

Funny Quotes Topics

13,898

Funny Quotes Images

10,926

41 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Cicadas are all like, “Y’all mind if I scream?”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Seen just now on X:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Trending via Snapchat:

I’m sick of blessings in disguise. I am ready for a blessing with absolutely no disguise whatsoever.

Making waves on WeChat:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Making waves on Threads:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Trending via Messenger:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Just landed via Instagram:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Breaking via YouTube:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Going viral on Twitch:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

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