21 funny raise quotes - Wordgag

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

May 21, 2026

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

May 20, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

May 19, 2026

I’m confused how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.

May 19, 2026

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

May 19, 2026

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Apr 1, 2026

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

Apr 1, 2026

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Apr 1, 2026

If anyone wants to sponsor me, I’ll be running a 0.002K this weekend to raise awareness for laziness.

Apr 1, 2026

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Mar 31, 2026

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Mar 31, 2026

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

Mar 30, 2026

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Mar 27, 2026

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Mar 27, 2026

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Mar 27, 2026

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

Mar 26, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to be rude, I had to practice.

Mar 26, 2026

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Mar 26, 2026

I’m not ready to adopt a highway, I can barely raise my own driveway.

Mar 25, 2026

Wolves should really raise more people.

Mar 25, 2026

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Mar 25, 2026