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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I’m going to die from jealousy one day.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I tried being the bigger person but all it got me was type 2 diabetes.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Why touch grass when you can touch ass?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sorry I’m late, my song came on at the grocery store.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Spotted on Slack:

Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

Live now on TikTok:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Seen just now on Instagram:

This Monday could have been an email.

My toxic trait is optimism.

2 months ago

0

My toxic trait is optimism.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Optimism: turning 'uh-oh' into 'wheee!' since forever! 😅☀️ #ToBoldlyHope"

humor, optimism, personality, personality trait, sarcasm, toxic, toxic trait, trait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Next time I die, I’m going to make sure I’m reincarnated someplace other than Earth.

0

3 months ago

afterlife, death, die, Earth, going, humor, i, joke, life, next, reincarnation, sure, time
Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

0

2 months ago

activity, bring, eat, food, fun, game, humor, i, me, play
Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

0

2 months ago

food, humor, joke, light, lunch, nature, plant, plants, wit
The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

0

2 months ago

always, approach, finance, government, humor, last, last minute, minute, much, procrastination, shutdown, ta
When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

0

2 months ago

celebration, excitement, fireworks, fun, hiss, invention, making, sound, wheee
D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

0

2 months ago

ABC, alphabet, D, humor, lmao, ok

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Facebook this month:

She’s got style. She’s got grace. She dropped her cellphone on her face. She’s a lady.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

14 shares on Threads this month:

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Please stop assuming that too many em dashes mean AI written. Some of us are producing grammatically incoherent work the honest way!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m too pretty for this” is a very valid excuse, actually.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

A month in Italy has halved my will to work and doubled my desire for money.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

What age do you learn to cook pasta for one and not for a whole village? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Writing ‘thanks.’ instead of ‘thanks!’ so you know I’m mad.

Going viral on Slack:

When I write “I hope this email finds you well” I’m referring to the email’s skills in tracking you down.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Trending via TikTok:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Live now on Twitch:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Breaking via Reddit:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Live now on Reddit:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Just shared via Messenger:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

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