Commentary:
Guess I should learn from animals and stop letting my GPS guide me into never-ending loops! 🐾🗺️😅
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Every few years, a solar eclipse happens, and every time they be like, ‘This is the first solar eclipse since 1734.’
Commentary:
Every eclipse is like a cosmic deja vu—"First time since 1734!" Again? Who's keeping this time machine running? 🌞😎🌚
Today I spoke to an older male lawyer in the same tone he was using with me. Do y’all wanna guess whether he liked that?
Commentary:
Looks like someone just discovered the magical art of giving a taste of their own medicine! 👩⚖️🔄👨⚖️💥
Amazon Prime is hands down the worst streaming service. Like, “Thanks for subscribing, here is a list of movies you need a different subscription for.”
Commentary:
Who knew paying for one subscription meant unlocking the secret menu of subscriptions? 🍿🔐😂
Took my own lunch to work and didn’t buy a coffee today, so I should be able to afford to buy a house any day now.
Commentary:
Saving like this, it's only a matter of time before I can buy a mansion…or maybe just a fancy cup of coffee. 🏡☕😂
Got kicked off Odysseus’s boat for saying, “Sooo THAT just happened,” after every island.
Commentary:
When the sirens' song isn't the most annoying thing on the ship 🎶🙉
I’m not against vaping because it’s unhealthy. I’m against vaping because it makes you look like a bloody loser. Pick up a cigarette or a joint!
Commentary:
Vaping: when you want to look like you're auditioning for the role of "bad boy" in the tech support department. 🚬😂
I really love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. Could be none.
Commentary:
With all due respect, this comment contains precisely the amount of respect you've earned: 🍪👉🕳️ #NoneRespec-tacular!
I love saying “sounds good” at work when I couldn’t care less.
Commentary:
"Got my PhD in ‘sounds good’ and a minor in ‘nodding along’ 😂👍"
Life is a series of crushing disappointments. Oops, I mean, good morning.
Commentary:
Sounds like my alarm clock needs a motivational speaker! 🌞😂☕