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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,376

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Making waves on Twitch:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Live now on Instagram:

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Making waves on YouTube:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Stop roasting yourself, you’re not a marshmallow.

Humorous text encouraging self-acceptance with a playful marshmallow metaphor.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Hey there, self-roaster! Remember, you're not made of marshmallow material – no need to burn yourself out! 🔥🚫 Stay cool like a cucumber instead! 🥒😄"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

98 shares on X this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

63 shares on X this month:

What a time to be alive, it’s like the collapse of Rome, but with memes.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Spotted on Twitch:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Spotted on Facebook:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Trending via YouTube:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Freshly posted on X:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sometimes, fasting from people is also important.

Spotted on Reddit:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Just landed via Twitch:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

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