That fight could’ve been an email.

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They say that 50 is the new 40, but these traffic police are having none of it.

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My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

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I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

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I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

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The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

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So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

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Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

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It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

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A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

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I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.