Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.
  • Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.
  • This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.
  • Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.
  • Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.
  • Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.