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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,255

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

This meeting could have been a cake.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’ve been asked to join a swingers club, but I’m a little nervous. What if I’m not good enough? I haven’t been on a swing since I was 9.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

Just landed via WeChat:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

Shared recently on X:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Turning you on: level expert 🌟✨ Now, let the waiting game begin! 🎮😏

anything, attraction, feminine, feminine urge, flirtation, humor, relationship, tease, turn, urge

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

0

2 months ago

anger, comedy, emotional, emotional expression, expression, frustration, humor, nothing, oh, rage, sarcasm, solve, sudden
There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, butter, crime, drink, feeding, food, funny scenario, giving, humor, joke, nothing, peanut, peanut butter, prank, sandwich, scenario, should, someone, story, thirst, true
ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

0

5 months ago

ability, absolutely, ADHD, anything, being, good, humor, irony, life, live, necessity, need, pretty, skill, struggle, talent, terrible, want
My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

0

2 months ago

bake, baking, British, comedy, dream, driving, DUI, food, great, Great British Bake Off, humor, Saab, tent
Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

0

2 months ago

25, bliss, couple, happy, humor, husband, irony, love, marriage, relationship
When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

0

2 months ago

advice, am, culture, humor, i, Jedi, man, me, men, older, older man, pop, pop culture, say, talking, teachings, tell, wisdom, Yoda

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

21 shares on Discord this month:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

65 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

48 shares on X this month:

Gimme coffee or I’ll sleep amok!

46 shares on WeChat this month:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Good morning only to the complexity and uncertainty of everything.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Limbo is the only sport where being really bad at it means you’re raising the bar.

Going viral on Threads:

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

Just shared via TikTok:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Seen just now on Threads:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Live now on Messenger:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨