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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

A late person is never happier than when the person they’re meeting is later than them.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Aliens only abduct the people that are already nuts so no one will believe them when they try and tell everyone.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

For a girl that loves sleep and hates stress, my career choice is questionable.

Seen just now on Facebook:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Still waiting for aliens to abduct me, which feels pretty rude considering I’ve been dressed and ready for years.

Live now on TikTok:

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Trending via Threads:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Making waves on Threads:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

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Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
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Commentary:
Looks like a classic case of the blame game in the house! 🏠 Somebody is always causing mischief while Nobody takes the fall for it. It's a whodunit comedy starring the dynamic duo of Somebody and Nobody – coming soon to a living room near you! 🔍😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

57 shares on TikTok this month:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.

79 shares on Instagram this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

56 shares on Discord this month:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

92 shares on Discord this month:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Only DM me if you like disappointment.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,352

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40’s: oh you like surprises? here’s another chin. Surprise!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I wish I was a cat, because the fatter you are, the more people like you.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Seen just now on Slack:

Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Breaking via Reddit:

There are only two kinds of people, and I avoid them both.

Shared recently on Discord:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Going viral on Facebook:

You wish you had this many chins.

Going viral on WeChat:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

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