Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.
  • Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.
  • My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.
  • I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.
  • Yeah, I’ll get up soon, I just need to look at the internet first. Yes, the whole thing.
  • Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.