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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

The only sunscreen that’s 100% effective is abstinence.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If you don’t know how many x-rays it takes before a person develops super powers, should you really be in a medical profession?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My favorite voicemails are those where the person doesn’t leave one.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have a favourite person, but I do have a favourite cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

My mom and all her opinions are visiting this weekend.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

Making waves on Twitch:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Just landed via Telegram:

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

Spotted on Reddit:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

Making waves on Messenger:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Live now on Instagram:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Just landed via X:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Going viral on Discord:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Seen just now on Reddit:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

1 week ago

Witty quote comparing "23 and Me" to Leonardo DiCaprio's RSVP humorously.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is taking his RSVP game to a whole new genetic level! 🧬📆 Who needs a regular RSVP when you can just send your DNA instead? 😂 Talk about a glamorous way to confirm your attendance! 🌟 #CelebrityStatus

celebrity, dicaprio, event, genetic, genetic test, humor, leonardo, Leonardo DiCaprio, me, RSVP, test

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

36 shares on Slack this month:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

74 shares on X this month:

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you see me out running, you should run too, because something is definitely chasing me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is no one talking about the sheer pleasure of coming home from vacation and using your own bathroom.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

5 folks are currently checking 👀

In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Damn girl, are you a plate of microwaved leftovers? Because you’re hot on the outside and cold on the inside.

Trending via Threads:

My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

Going viral on Reddit:

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

Just shared via X:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

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