Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.
  • Taking my heart off my sleeve, I fold it up neatly and carefully place it back inside my chest.
  • Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.
  • If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.
  • I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.
  • I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.