I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

If I get rid of social media, how will I know what everyone ate for dinner?

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

My favorite recipe is the one where I pick up the phone and order food.

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

It’s called a Caesar Salad because you stab it a bunch of times when you eat it.

Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.