Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

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Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

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I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

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Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

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That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

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Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.

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I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

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If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

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Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

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Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

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Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.