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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

54 Funny wine quotes

Funny wine quotes add a humorous twist to your favorite glass of vino! 🍷😂 From witty remarks about wine o’clock to playful observations on the joys of sipping, these quotes capture the lighter side of enjoying a good drink. Cheers to a laugh and a fine bottle! 😄🍇

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Jesus turns water into wine, and everybody goes crazy. Cows turn grass into milk, and nobody bats an eye.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

Why would I put money where my mouth is when wine exists?

Posted onMay 29, 2026

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Posted onMay 28, 2026

No wine. No peace. Know wine. Know peace.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

I’m not saying I’ve aged like fine wine, but I am currently being stored in a dark place and avoiding sunlight at all costs.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Anyone know which wine pairs well with societal collapse?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m 45% coffee, 40% wine and 6% cheese.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

If I could turn water into wine, I’d have lots of followers too.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The most I’ve ever spent on a bottle of wine is about 45 minutes.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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