610 funny know quotes - Wordgag

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

May 19, 2026

If you’re happy and you know it, you’re clearly not paying enough attention.

May 19, 2026

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

May 19, 2026

I don’t know what millennial needs to hear this, but throw away the box your phone came in. You don’t need it. You will never need it.

May 19, 2026

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

May 19, 2026

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

May 19, 2026

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

May 19, 2026

“There’s a particular type of insufferability that rich people from poor countries have, that I don’t yet fully know how to verbalize.”

May 19, 2026

My ex was like “I know a spot,” then took me to the lowest point in my life.

May 18, 2026

Not gonna lie, to this day, I don’t know the difference between gray and grey, I just wing it.

May 18, 2026

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

May 18, 2026

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

May 18, 2026

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

May 18, 2026

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

May 18, 2026

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

May 18, 2026

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

May 18, 2026

I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. I don’t even know what it means, but I’ve had enough.

May 18, 2026

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

May 18, 2026

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

May 18, 2026

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

May 18, 2026

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

May 18, 2026

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

May 18, 2026

I don’t know how to flirt, but you can watch me eat fresh fruit in my sundress.

May 18, 2026May 18, 2026

You know how a dog tilts his head and looks confused when he hears a strange sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel when some people are talking.

May 18, 2026

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

May 18, 2026

I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

May 18, 2026

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

May 18, 2026

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

May 18, 2026

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

May 18, 2026

I want my boyfriend to be so hot strangers know he’s not funny.

May 18, 2026

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

May 18, 2026

My girlfriend? You wouldn’t know her, she’s in a different data center.

May 18, 2026

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

May 18, 2026

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

May 18, 2026

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

May 18, 2026

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Apr 1, 2026

We are the last generation of programmers who know the deadly feeling of seeing the exact problem in our code, on Stack Overflow, with 0 answers.

Apr 1, 2026

I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

Apr 1, 2026

Is there a word for FOMO but it’s already happened and you didn’t know about it when it was happening?

Apr 1, 2026

Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.

Apr 1, 2026