Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

People will be like “Nobody cares about your Spotify Wrapped,” and then post a picture of their baby.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Going viral on Facebook:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Freshly posted on X:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Going bananas on Reddit:

Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

Spotted on Discord:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Going viral on Threads:

When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

Trending via Pinterest:

Forget the alarm clock. Just give me the smell of bacon and coffee.

Trending via Snapchat:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about overthinking anger, capturing a humorous, repetitive mood.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
I feel like I'm starring in a soap opera called "The Many Moods of Madness"! 🎭😅

anger, confusion, dialogue, emotion, frustration, mad, me, question, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

1 month ago

bad, bad luck, dating, humor, i, joke, left, love, luck, me, relationship, second, twice, women
My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

3 weeks ago

care, humor, multitasking, nail, nail care, nails, self-care, session, should, talking, therapist, therapy, therapy session, while
The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

1 month ago

card, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, me, pick, told, trick, Visa
My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

1 month ago

back, back pain, comedy, curtsy, deep, deep curtsy, going, humor, lean, leaning, leaning over, over, pain, physical, physical comedy, picking, picking up, things
I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

1 month ago

activity, catch, catch up, humor, i, irony, jail, need, reading, time
Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

1 month ago

dining, friends, Google, humor, menu, people, preparation, restaurant, social, yourself

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on X this month:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

92 shares on Threads this month:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

96 shares on X this month:

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

97 shares on Threads this month:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m pretty sure I fall under the percentage of people who’ve eaten the sticker on the apple.

53 shares on Threads this month:

Not just anyone can be cremated. You have to urn it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Do people who love escape rooms not know about IKEA?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Making waves on Telegram:

Getting a key tattoo, but getting it covered up with a doormat tattoo, so no one ever finds it.

Going bananas on TikTok:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Just shared via X:

The only way to my heart is with a knife.

Making waves on Twitch:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Keep the laugh going 😂

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

My back hurts too much to lean over anymore, going to have to resort to picking things up with a deep curtsy.

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨