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I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

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โ€œGirls just want to have fun!โ€ No, I want one million dollars cash.

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Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

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Only a fool would use the toothbrush the dentist gives you. You think the dentist would freely hand you the tools that would keep them away?

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I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

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You didn’t get fired, your job “fumbled you”.

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We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

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And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

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Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

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I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. โ€œLemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed iceโ€.

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Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

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I feel like I'm starring in a soap opera called "The Many Moods of Madness"! ๐ŸŽญ๐Ÿ˜…



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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

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I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

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I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

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I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

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Itโ€™s crazy that you donโ€™t really argue with a baby for the first year of its life and then you have to argue with the baby every day.

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Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

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If youโ€™re a guy and youโ€™re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

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No matter how small you make that “unsubscribe” link, I’ll still find it.

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Iโ€™m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

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If youโ€™re not dropping it like itโ€™s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

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