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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My favorite part about talking to my teens is when they give me direct eye contact, listen intently, nod understandingly and then do the exact opposite of what I just said.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

235 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,504

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,504

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Spotted on Instagram:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Breaking via YouTube:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Making waves on X:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Live now on Messenger:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Shared recently on X:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Spotted on Slack:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Spreading quickly via X:

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Before seeking therapy, I should check if my brand of crazy has any fan club 😜🤪 #CrazyInDemand"

before, crazy, i, me, psychiatrist, question, seeing, start

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

0

2 months ago

administrative, administrative assistant, application, aspiration, assistant, boy, career, career aspiration, childhood, childhood dream, cover, cover letter, dream, ever, feels, humor, i, job, job application, letter, letters, little, wanted, writing
Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

0

2 months ago

children, hiding, humor, just, lost, mom, parenting, shopping, Target, wander
Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

0

2 months ago

another, attitude, break, defiance, humor, i, me, nonconformity, rebellion, rule, rule-breaking, show, too
I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

0

2 months ago

appearance, clothing, confusion, disguise, dressed, easily, grandmother, guy, humor, i, irony, me, sheep, spot, wolf
Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

0

2 months ago

answering, email, emails, fake, forest, frustration, jaw, mental, mental state, mentally, physically, screaming, smile, state, stress, work
The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

0

2 months ago

animal, concern, humor, ignore, irony, lion, nature, personality, things, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Twitch this month:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever checked your bank account and had way more money than you expected.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

65 shares on Discord this month:

To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Stop playing with me.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

If you love someone, let them sleep.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Zoom is really only for one thing: realizing our dream of staring at ourselves while talking to other people.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Falling off academically is worse than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I told ChatGPT about us.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Breaking via TikTok:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Live now on WeChat:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.

Going viral on Facebook:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Making waves on Twitch:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨