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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s so cool when people who write for a living admit that they don’t read books or have thoughts.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Of course your crush is going to leave their spouse for you. That’s how delusions work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

Shared recently on Twitch:

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

Just shared via Instagram:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Shared recently on Discord:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Breaking via Reddit:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Seen just now on Messenger:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

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Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.
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Commentary:
Stitching my life together one coffee at a time! ☕️🧵✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

94 shares on Slack this month:

The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.

41 shares on TikTok this month:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

If I met someone like me, I’d be really concerned for them.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

Having a nicotine addiction is basically just adding a new base layer to Maslow’s hierarchy for no reason.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating healthy requires a second job.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,476

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

A girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I will never forget when my dad had a guy from Verizon call me in middle school to tell me that I was using more data than Obama and that I need to stop.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I don’t drink coffee all the time. I take breaks in between to make another one.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The closest thing I’ve had to a personal trainer is the ice cream truck that drove past my house.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I have no desire to rekindle anything with anyone. See you never.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.

Going viral on Discord:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Just landed via TikTok:

Asking the birds outside my window if they know any Metallica.

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