75 funny together quotes - Wordgag

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

May 30, 2026

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

May 30, 2026

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

May 30, 2026

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

May 30, 2026

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

May 30, 2026

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldn’t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

May 29, 2026

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

May 29, 2026

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

May 29, 2026

That masculine urge to completely avoid relationships until you get your life together.

May 29, 2026

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

May 29, 2026

I’ve been so stressed about getting my shit together that I haven’t gotten any of my shit together.

May 28, 2026

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

May 28, 2026

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

May 28, 2026

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

May 28, 2026

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

May 28, 2026

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

May 28, 2026

First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

May 28, 2026

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

May 28, 2026

Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

May 28, 2026

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

May 28, 2026

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

May 28, 2026

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

May 28, 2026

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

May 28, 2026

Welcome to your 40s, you’re too old to sit on the floor and put furniture together.

May 28, 2026

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

May 27, 2026

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

May 27, 2026

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

May 27, 2026

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

May 27, 2026

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

May 26, 2026

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

May 26, 2026

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

May 26, 2026

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

May 26, 2026

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

May 26, 2026

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

May 26, 2026

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

May 26, 2026

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

May 25, 2026

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

May 25, 2026

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

May 25, 2026

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

May 25, 2026

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

May 25, 2026