35 funny analogy quotes - Wordgag

Life is like a game of chess. I don’t enjoy it very much.

May 29, 2026

Your phone is a casino designed to steal your time.

May 29, 2026

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

May 29, 2026

When a girl says “5 mins,” think about it like five minutes left in the 4th quarter, and both teams have all their timeouts.

May 28, 2026

A perfect metaphor for my life would be “Someone trying to stand up in a hammock.”

May 27, 2026

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

May 27, 2026

Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either.

May 27, 2026

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

May 27, 2026

Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

May 26, 2026

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

May 26, 2026

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

May 26, 2026

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

May 26, 2026

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

May 25, 2026

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

May 25, 2026

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

May 25, 2026

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

May 24, 2026

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

May 24, 2026

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

May 24, 2026

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

May 23, 2026

IKEA is like the Hotel California of furniture stores.

May 23, 2026

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

May 23, 2026

Who called it asking the waiter about the specials and not retrieving data from the server?

May 21, 2026

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

May 21, 2026

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

May 21, 2026

Call me Frankenstein the way I’m piecing it together.

May 20, 2026

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

May 20, 2026

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

May 20, 2026

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

May 20, 2026

Don’t be ashamed to fart while you urinate, cause there is no rain without thunder.

May 20, 2026

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

May 20, 2026

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

May 20, 2026

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

May 19, 2026

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

May 19, 2026

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

May 19, 2026

Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the faster it goes.

May 19, 2026