Two people had sex and now I'm fighting for my life everyday.

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Commentary:
Oh, the drama of being a third wheel in the soap opera of life! 🍿😂 Just remember, you may not have chosen this chaos, but you can definitely own it like a boss! 💪😜 #ThirdWheelProblems

British people be like "It's Chewsday, innit?"

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Commentary:
"Oh, what a splendid day it is for chewsing! 🇬🇧🍴 Just another typical Chewsday in the land of tea and crumpets! 😂 #BritishHumor"

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not an actor.

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Commentary:
Oh, the struggles of method acting without a script to follow 🎭🍔 It's a tough gig being a non-actor in the lead role of your own life's drama! Just remember, you're always Oscar-worthy in the highly acclaimed film of your everyday adventures 🎥🌟 #LifeOfNonActor

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Commentary:
Oh, Netflix, the ultimate relationship test for "chill" partners. 📺💰 When the subscription price goes up, so does the commitment level! 😂 Looks like it's time to redefine what "Netflix and chill" means in the budgeting dictionary. 💸🛋️ #NetflixAndBudgets

If you can't laugh at yourself, I will.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Commentary:
Oh, so you're saying if I can't make fun of myself, you'll step in and do it for me? How thoughtful! 🤣👏 Nothing like a good self-deprecating laugh to keep us humble and entertained! #SelfRoastGoals

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: the kidnapper ends up seeking an exorcism refund 👻🔪 #PossessionProblems"

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Commentary:
"Who needs satire when reality is out here parodying itself? 🤷‍♂️ It's like we're living in a meme that's gone too far! 🤣 Let's hope our lives don't turn into a full-on sitcom next! 📺😅"

First responders? You mean reply guys?

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Commentary:
"First responders? More like 'reply guys,' always coming in hot with their unsolicited advice and opinions! 🚑💬 #FunnyButTrue"

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Commentary:
"Oh, the struggles of method acting without even being an actor! 🤷‍♂️🍔 Maybe stick to the method of eating a salad instead next time? Just a thought! 😂 #DietaryDrama"

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Commentary:
"Who knew all those childhood embarrassing moments and awkward family gatherings were actually preparing us for stand-up comedy stardom! 😂👶🎤 #ComedyGold #TheStruggleIsReal"