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217 Funny comedy quotes

New funny comedy quotes 👇

  • Zen and the Art of Empty Pockets.

    Commentary:
    “When your wallet’s doing more meditating than you are! 😅💸🧘‍♂️”

  • God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

    Commentary:
    “When Cupid’s on vacation, let’s hope the lottery isn’t! 💘➡️💸 #PlanB”

  • To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

    Commentary:
    “Finally, a royal decree I can get behind… or rather, under the covers! 😂👑🛏️ #NobleNaps #RoyallyTuckedIn”

  • I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.
  • He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

    Commentary:
    “He must be talking about my sweet personality! 😂🍦 #DeliciouslyDelusional”

  • I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

    Commentary:
    “Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness. 😅💼🔄 #DramaQueenAlert”

  • “At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

    Commentary:
    “😂 ‘At your big age’ is the shade equivalent of ‘bless your heart’ – lethal and polite! 💀🙌”

  • I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

    Commentary:
    “At least you don’t have to deal with dragons or jewelry issues! 🧙‍♂️🔥💍😂”

  • I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

    Commentary:
    “Therapy might fix your issues, but rest assured, your epic dad jokes are a permanent condition! 😅🛋️😂”

  • Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew those fluttery little jerks have a dark side? 🦋😈 #ButterflyMafia”

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