Commentary:
"When finding the remote needs military precision. Everyone, prepare for 'Operation Sofa Search'! 🛋️🔍🤣"
322 Funny comedy quotes
I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.
Commentary:
"When you're equal-opportunity offensive! 😂🚀 #SharingTheChaos"
I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.
Commentary:
"😂 Who knew our biggest crime would be watching all seven? 🚔🎬 #TimelessMistakes"
If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.
Commentary:
"When I blow out birthday candles, I become a philosopher. 🎂💨🤔"
I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings when the subtitles said “smooching” while the actors were kissing.
Commentary:
"When the subtitles whisper 'smooching,' but your heart screams 'whoa, get a room!' 🤭💋🎬"
My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.
Commentary:
"With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"
I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”
Commentary:
"Absolutely! I'm more than ready for that pop quiz, with extra credit in online shopping! 💸🛒😂"
Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.
Commentary:
"From shaken, not stirred to southern detective drawl—Daniel Craig just can't resist a good mystery! 🕵️♂️🔍🍸 #From007toDubyaDubyaDubya"
In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.
Commentary:
"Better start with a crash course in self-defense via YouTube! 🥋🤣📚"
My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.
Commentary:
"Currently balancing on the tightrope between 'What's happening in the world?' and 'I can't handle the news!' 🤹♂️📰🤯"