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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡― has copied:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡· has copied:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡¨ has viewed:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

Someone from πŸ‡ΎπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡§ has bookmarked:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,952

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via LinkedIn:

β€œListen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Just landed via Discord:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Just shared via Slack:

Grandma complained that with age, her joints were getting weaker. Told her to just roll them a little tighter.

Seen just now on Threads:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I don’t know if I’m pregnant or what, but I’ve been craving 3 million dollars so bad.

Spotted on Reddit:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Call your family now and ask them what the wifi password is, so they have time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

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Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Threads this month:

Aura farming in front of old people by not listening to music nor checking my phone.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

68 shares on Reddit this month:

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

92 shares on X this month:

Actually, it’s illegal to be upset if you make a date on Halloween and they ghost you.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I need to start hiding my money from myself.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Typing in your email address on the TV is a different type of irritation.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny, then all of a sudden you know trigonometry.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,889

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has copied:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡Ώ has bookmarked:

Body: Time to sleep. Brain: Hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has copied:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡© has shared:

With great power comes a great electricity bill.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ has copied:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡© has downloaded:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡¦ has shared:

The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Going viral on Instagram:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Shared recently on Discord:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Just landed via X:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Spotted on YouTube:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

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