713 Funny people quotes

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  1 week ago

  Share →: I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

  Commentary:
  "Designated drivers beware: some folks are too talented at being backseat comedians! 😂🚗🍷"

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  1 week ago

  Share →: There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

  Commentary:
  "Agreed! Let's make 'shopping cart bumper cars' an official sport! 🛒💥🚦 #SpatialAwarenessOlympics"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

  Commentary:
  "Comfort zone? What's that? Is it located somewhere between 'Anxiety Avenue' and 'Awkward Alley'? 😅🤷‍♂️ #PerpetuallyUncomfortable"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Some people are like sunglasses: your day just becomes so much brighter when you accidentally drop them off the side of the boat.

  Commentary:
  "Sometimes you gotta let go for that 'sunkissed' perspective! 😎🌊😂"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

  Commentary:
  "New year, new me… and by 'me' I mean ghost mode activated for 364 days! 👻📅✨"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

  Commentary:
  "Oh great, now the universe has a Miss Universe farm! 🙄🌟 #NotAgingGracefully"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

  Commentary:
  "😂👌 'Not today, stress!' This phone's a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m convinced a lot of people online are communicating from prison.

  Commentary:
  "I'm not surprised, some of these posts definitely come with a 'Do Not Escape' plan! 🕵️‍♀️🚔🏃‍♂️"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

  Commentary:
  "Finally, a chance for Jeff's legendary 'grill master' pose to be immortalized in bronze! 🍔🔥🗿"

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

  Commentary:
  "Admitting mistakes is for amateurs! I'm only professionally flawless 😜🦄✨ #PerfectlyImperfect"

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