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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I need a browser plugin that disables Amazon when I’m drinking. Hashtag: don’t drink and Prime.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Enjoy your time with me, because I love to disappear.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Thanks for leaving my door open; I was running low on houseflies.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,364

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Live now on Telegram:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Live now on Instagram:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Going viral on Reddit:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Just shared via Telegram:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Just landed via WeChat:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Just shared via Discord:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

We are talking about how beautiful and cool you are behind your back.

Happiness is when you really have nothing to do with people you want absolutely nothing to do with.

1 week ago

Witty quote about finding happiness by avoiding unwanted company, humorous and relatable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet bliss of finding happiness in avoiding certain individuals like the plague 🙅‍♂️ Sometimes, true joy can be found in the art of selective social distancing. Who knew peace could come with a side of avoiding awkward encounters? 😅 #EmbracingTheAntiSocialLife"

avoid, detachment, freedom, happiness, introvert, nothing, people, social, solitude, want

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28 shares on Pinterest this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Doing some skin care routine but my skin doesn’t care.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

74 shares on Threads this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s really sad that April Fools is the only day people are appropriately skeptical of stuff they read on the internet.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please just wait until my mating ritual is over before you decide.

22 shares on WeChat this month:

Guy on the day of the 1918 armistice, walking around the trench, clapping, saying things like “Great work, everyone,” and “We did it, team.”

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

This sex could have been an email.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

This post is invisible, and only those going to Hell can see it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Drive like no one is watching.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate being a wage slave. I want to be a streamer that does nothing but react to videos all day, and then complain about how hard my life is.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,752

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t remember if I was 43 or 44 before my birthday, so now I don’t know if I’m 44 or 45. That’s your 40’s.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Nothing makes me more stabby than when my husband ignores me and starts talking to the dog.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why will Satan torture people in hell for disobeying the same God he disobeyed?

Spotted on Discord:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Live now on Pinterest:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Going bananas on Threads:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Just landed via WeChat:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Forget cheating, that’s young people’s shit. I’m ready to get married and have an affair.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Seen just now on X:

If you want to sell something to a woman, show her other women using it. If you want to sell something to a man, prove to him no other man has it.

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