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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I hate dealing with fresh garlic. Each individual clove with their little f***ing paperwork.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

We use our phones to watch videos that remind us of what life was like before we had phones.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Trending via Threads:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Making waves on Instagram:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Spotted on Instagram:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Breaking via Reddit:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Trending via Slack:

Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

Making waves on Discord:

Not arguing with a man that can cook. Whatever you say, handsome.

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

2 months ago

0

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like Officer Serious is not here to play games! 🚔 Remember, it's their interrogation room, we're all just living in it. Keep those answers straight and the jokes to a minimum, unless you want a one-way ticket to the time-out corner! 😂 #TheLawIsNotAmused

asking, authority, funny moment, helpful, humor, interaction, me, moment, officer, police, police officer, questions, reminder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

0

2 months ago

anyone, back, bathing, casual, humor, joke, laziness, sarcasm, self-deprecating, shower, tired, tiredness, too, want, wash
That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, coffee maker, daily, every, happiness, happy, joy, little, maker, me, morning, morning ritual, ritual, routine, small, small joy, walk
If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

0

2 months ago

advice, alert, caution, humor, kings, planet, relationship, remember, stay, stay alert, world
Nobody victim blames more than my oldest son when he’s in trouble for punching his little brother.

0

2 months ago

blaming, brother, family, humor, little, nobody, punching, rivalry, sibling, sibling rivalry, son, trouble, victim, victim blaming
And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

0

2 months ago

again, carpet, celebrity, day, disappointment, expectation, guys, humor, once, red, red carpet
Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

0

2 months ago

authority, convoluted, convoluted language, just, language, legalese, magic, magic spell, power, rhyme, sense, signal, special, spell, spells, term, terms

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

23 shares on TikTok this month:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

94 shares on Facebook this month:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

96 shares on X this month:

Kinda sucks that the prize for washing your laundry is getting to fold your laundry.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s nothing like sitting by an open fire and watching the evidence burn.

25 shares on X this month:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite animal is me when my feelings are hurt.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,574

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Marriages are like pancakes. Sometimes you gotta throw the first one out.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Making waves on Snapchat:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Trending via TikTok:

I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Live now on Pinterest:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Trending via Threads:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

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